


I'm Still Here

by Amelie_Jas



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Death, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, One Shot, Snowbells, graveyard, i don't even know at this point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 08:02:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20170888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelie_Jas/pseuds/Amelie_Jas
Summary: Every week, in the evening, on my way to visit you, I pick a flower out of a beautifully kept garden. Always the same type. A reminder that I still care; I still miss you; I’m still here...... I made a promise to you. A promise I vowed to keep.





	I'm Still Here

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was inspired by a post I found on instagram. I usually find random posts and I think, 'This could so be made into a Snowbaz fic' so I usually send them to my friend, Mae (Mae1505). But today (well, tonight) I decided to just try and write it myself.. So, there you go...
> 
> Hope you enjoy my very short fic... (as much as this can be 'enjoyed')

Every week, in the evening, on my way to visit you, I pick a flower out of a beautifully kept garden. Always the same type. A reminder that I still care; I still miss you; I’m still here.

Today is no different. It’s getting late; the birds have settled down and the sky is a shade of pinky-red. I chuckle to myself. It reminds me of the shade of your cheeks whenever you got embarrassed. You hated it, but I thought it was cute. I make my way to the edge of the perfectly-kept garden and pick a single flower. A Snowbell. I turn to continue my walk when I hear someone exclaim, “Aha! I finally caught you!”

I whip my head around to see a girl pointing at me accusingly. She has a stupid grin on her face. You used to pull a face like that. “I knew I wasn’t imagining things when there were fewer and fewer flowers everyday. So, thief, you better have a good reason for this.”

“It’s for someone.” I reply conservatively, while raising an eyebrow at her sudden curiosity. 

“Ohhhh, a lover, I see! Well, you must tell! After all, they’re my flowers.” She exclaims, bouncing around with enthusiasm.

I roll my eyes at the sheer excitement from this surprisingly stubborn girl. “I’d rather not.” I reply as I turn and walk away. What was she thinking? That I was going to spill my love life to a stranger? I sigh as I hear footsteps by my side. Not giving up, I see.

“I’m Agatha, by the way.” She says, extending her hand.

I swallow down my slight surprise as I take it and reply, “Baz.”

“Baz?” She questions, her face scrunched up in confusion.

“Yes.” I reply as I roll my eyes, not bothering to explain the name further.

“Sorry, it’s just that I've never met someone with the name Baz before.”

“It’s not a common name.”

Our conversation stops there, and we continue to walk in awkward silence. The silence gives me time to think. Agatha. I have to confess, I never really liked Agatha that much, but being married to you forced me to at least be _ nice _ to her. Now that I think about it, she wasn’t all bad. Oh the things you drove me to do in the name of love.

I quickly stop those thoughts as not to start crying in front of this girl that I've known for five seconds. To sum it up, the last time I thought about people I knew from Watford, I didn’t leave the house for two weeks, so I try to avoid the topic. But you don’t need to worry about that.

“So. Are you meeting a girl?” Agatha asks, curiously.

“A boy” I reply, bluntly, too tired to put up with her never-ending questions.

“Oh. Okay.”

I can hear her pulse speeding up with awkwardness. I internally groan. Yes, even now there is still a weird stigma around us, can you believe it? We had our fair share of awkward moments, didn’t we? It’s not like we bite. Well, I guess I do. But not humans. Never. That’s the one thing I couldn’t do for you, no matter how much you begged.

“Where are you meeting him?” 

Thankfully, as she asks, we arrive so there’s no need to explain. Frankly, I’ve had enough of this girl.

“Here.” I say, as I make my way to your grave. We got you the one that you asked for, plain and simple. I never understood why you wanted it. I still don’t. You are so special, you deserve something better. And Merlin knows it wasn’t the price holding you back. Near the end, I had managed to finally loosen you up and let me buy you things without you feeling guilty.

“A graveyard?! That’s a weird, and might I mention _ creepy _, place to meet someone.” Merlin. This girl is oblivious; she hasn’t caught up yet. She’s almost as slow as you, love. Don’t worry, you’re still in first place. No one can beat you.

I stand in front of the grave and replace the old flower with the new one. I think you’d like it -the Snowbell I mean. My eyes skim over the engravings on the stone. Just knowing that you are right there makes me miss you even more. All the memories start coming in.

“Oh.” Agatha whispers while covering her mouth with her hands, finally realising.

_ Your blue eyes. _

“I’m so sorry.”

_ Your bronze curls. _

“Y-you can keep picking the flowers. I-if you want. 

_ Your charming smile. _

A warm tear rolls slowly down my cheek.

I remember once, I made a promise to you. A promise I vowed to keep. I promised that you would die kissing me, and I kept it ‘till your dying breath.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my 2am-written fic! I would love feedback so please correct me on any mistakes or share any ideas you may have!
> 
> Anyway, I need sleep so I'm gonna have to leave it here, see yaaa xx


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